Found Not Lost

I would walk a mile for a Camel.
I found mint in my menthol shaving cream.
Up, up, and away with TWA,
you’re living in the Golden Age of Schlitz.
Winston tastes good like a cigarette should.
You can’t take the country out of Salem.
You dream about Chrysler
because Chrysler is your dream car.

The Bettys are the navigators and pilots
of the interstellar garbage scow.
One of them is a clone of the other.
Quark is in love with Betty.
He does not know which one.
When asked which Betty is the clone,
The Bettys accuse each other.
And let’s not talk about Gene or Jean.
He or she is a transmute humanoid
with a complete set of both male and female
chromosomes and, I assume, sex organs.
The gender confusion manifests
in a split personality.

Silva Thins are super thin.
Cigarettes are like women,
the best ones are thin and rich.
I’m Cheryl, fly me.
Millions of people flew me last year.
RCA introduces non-smear color TV,
the frosty taste of a blizzard.
When you’re out of Schlitz,
you’re out of beer.

Poor James Whitmore,
he was never able to have a hit series.
His friend Tony could hardly speak English.
The temperature never rose and went through
three cast changes, two different formats,
and two time slots.

“Now, I don’t wear pantyhose,
but if Beauty Mist can make my legs look good,
imagine what they’ll do for yours.”

The broadcast of Super Bowl III
was blacked out in the Miami market.
If you lived in South Florida
and wanted to see the game,
you were forced to buy a ticket
and show up at the stadium.
Baltimore lost to the underdog Jets.
The underground bookies got upset.
The rental car companies were ecstatic.
Bob Hope referred to Spiro Agnew
as his good friend Ted.
Three astronauts pledged allegiance,
“One nation indivisible.”
Broadway Joe guaranteed the win.
The first name of the losing coach was
Weeb.

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About Rumrazor

Just a malcontent surviving in Los Angeles, working the news, writing the poetry, making the films.
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4 Responses to Found Not Lost

  1. Ariel Marie says:

    It may be an ignorance of my viewpoint, but this is the first poem of yours I’ve ever read that my reaction was, ‘Now there’s a Hollywood/L.A. poem’ .

  2. rumrazor says:

    Partly inspired by famous hooks from 70’s television commercials.

  3. Ariel Marie says:

    I remember hearing some of the references when I was young. There were very few in the 70s that stuck with me. Calgon, Charlie, Dawn, maybe a few others. The Superbowl rule applied to more than III, didn’t it? I remember listening to gripes in the 90s.

  4. rumrazor says:

    The old blackout rules only applies to College football now but yes this rule was still enforced for Pro football until 1995 or 1996, when the blackout rules were upgraded.

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