This first world tragedy happened between the hours of 6pm and 7:15pm and unfolded something like this:
18:00- left the abode. I am headed to Crossroads in Studio City because I need a new-for-me used and cheap rain jacket since neither one of my hoodies are of any use in the rain and I can’t find my old one.
18:10- arrive at Crossroads. Strangely, I am the only one there at first. Not so strange is the fact that they do not have anything my size. I blame hip-hop culture. A culture which promotes kids get clothes sizes 5x bigger than they need. So any clothes my size are always sold out unless I go somewhere specifically like a Big and Tall or a Casual Male XL.
18:20- SCORE! I found a Big Dog reversible one-piece cloth hoodie, blue and grey, which fits me loose. Nice. Not really a rain jacket but lots thicker than the hoodies I’ve been dealing with.
18:25- after a brief wait where somebody brought in five bags of clothes, I paid for my purchase and left the store. When I went outside I took a minute to wriggle into my new used hoodie, grey side out.
18:30- drove to the post office on Laurel Canyon and Ventura and dropped off a letter in their outside mailbox.
18:32- Zipped into the strip mall next door, parked, and entered Pick Up Stix.
18:35- Ordered a General Tso’s chicken plate with white rice and spring rolls and a large lemonade.
18:36- The server gave me a large empty cup and I went and filled it up with lemonade from the soda machine then I sat down at a table to wait for my dinner. Took advantage of the wait to check my e-mail and Facebook. I liked a post somebody made and then I sent a friend a pictogram of a fox in a tuxedo holding a glass of wine.
18:45- my food was placed in front of me at the table. I get all ready to eat by mixing in the chicken and the rice. I need soy sauce. They do not have soy sauce in bottles, instead they have little soy sauce packets next to the soda machine. I got up and grabbed three.
18:47- ummm, this soy sauce packet is hard to open with my fingers. I try harder. Suddenly, I rip the packet in a feat of strength but soy sauce squirts everywhere. By everywhere I mean that soy sauce squirted all over the front of my new used reversible Big Dog gray and blue hoodie I had just bought 23 minutes ago.
18:47:30- I realize I just squirted soy sauce all over the front of my new warm and cozy hoodie, grey side out.
18:47:45- I stare at the soy sauce which stains the entire front of my new used grey hoodie which I had just purchased less than a half hour ago to wear in the rain.
18:48- quiet fury.
18:48:15- I consider walking up to the workers behind the counter at Pick Up Stix and cussing them out for not providing regular and lite sodium soy sauce in regular normal bottles at each table for the customers. I now realize that soy sauce packets are for cheap restaurants which lack class.
18:48:20- I reconsider my rash thoughts because I actually think the food at Pick Up Stix is pretty good.
18:48:25- I consider my rash thoughts again and consider cussing out the workers and flipping them off or something. The cheap hard-to-open soy sauce packets are for cheap-ass restaurants and lazy workers who don’t want to refill glass bottles with regular and lite sodium soy sauce. Screw them and screw that noise.
18:48:30- I take deep calming breaths and don’t do anything stupid.
18:51- after a few minutes where I feel calm enough, I go to the bathroom and clean the front of my hoodie as best I can with water and paper towels.
19:15- I go home. But I was pissed off the whole time I ate my dinner and I thought the food was tasteless and unappetizing.